I give up the sword.
I’ve been listening to a great deal of spiritual teaching, but my intuition rejects many of the gurus, because they are gurus and many are Socratic in method (although sometimes they turn entirely transparent in frustration at their seekers and it’s utterly gorgeous).
So I’ve switched to Alan Watts for a time; he’s a familiar voice and a man of great moxie and vigour. He paraphrases Confucius and says “The goodie-goodies are the thieves of virtue”, ah! Yes you beautiful beautiful man, let’s run away and live by nothing that governs or preaches, free of judgement.
I bet he was a fantastic lover as such rascals as he often are.
I’ve been watching myself, my motions, my attitudes, my anxieties, watching my suffering unfold. I watch perplexed and entertained. Watching intently where and how my thoughts come to me. Finally the walls have broken.
How invigorating all this is!! Part of me feels guilty when I say that, but I accept that and move on.
Do I miss?
To miss – Its association is that of desire or want. To miss is to have a void that needs filling. I don’t have that anymore. But I have deepened my love of naughtiness, I don’t miss it but I’m piqued in its presence and roused beyond words I can describe here, it’s sexier than ever.
I won’t lie, I’m still in the darkness I fell into but I’m crawling to the light. Shedding old lives and turning from the cave I once imagined was reality.
These images where taken over the period of a few days ‘in’ despair, for both me and Janelle. These were days of hard faith, ridged fear, absolutes and the desire to be saved. Crawling together, hand in hand we fell and fell until, now I speak for myself; I tripped into darkness and could suffer no more of this illusion.
I gave up the sword.
Please note the final image; it is different to the rest.
I never set out to make an image, they just happen, I don’t make them, they just happen.
Model; Janelle Vladimir